Movie Star Crush

She was not the type of girl boys had crushes on. She had her share of crushes growing up but she never knew of a single boy or girl for that matter who had a crush on her. And when she was young it hurt but as she grew older it did not bother her as much. But she did dream of what it would be like if some one did have a crush on her, would it make her feel powerful, would she finally feel pretty? She knew in her heart that these were ridiculous things to dream about but there you have it the mind does not always agree with the heart. So she was utterly unprepared for when it happened. She did not even realize it was a crush at first. At the age of thirty –five she never expected to be the object of anyone’s crush let alone a famous movie star. It happened quite by accident, she was crossing one of the many bridges that span the Chicago River when her heel got stuck in a crack between the planks. He was approaching from the other side, she had heard he had a Condo in this part of town but she never expected to see him. But there he was helping her pull her shoe out of the crack, making her laugh and asking her to lunch. She declined of course. It would be ridiculous to think he was interested, but then the calls and flowers started. She finally agreed to meet him for lunch at some upscale restaurant she had never dreamed of going to. It was nice, but the food was better then the conversation and she realized that his personality that blared so loudly on screen was an act. He was an actor after all. She thanked him for lunch and planned to never see him again, but he had other plans. She refused his dinner invitations; she threw the flowers in the garbage. This was getting ridiculous and she had no experience with these kinds of crushes. How was she going to get him to stop? When he invited her to the Oscars she finally told him NO for good. She went to an Oscar party at her friends that year. She had told no one of his crush, because who would believe her anyway. They watched the arrival of the Stars, oohing and ahhing over everyone’s dresses and the handsome men, Then there he was on the TV, alone and looking forlorn, when E Entertainment Television asked him why he was alone he blurted out the whole story, he was in love with a girl in Chicago who had turned him down. After that night everything in her world went topsy turvy. The Press would not stop calling. She had to change her phone number 20 times. She could not leave her apartment without being followed. When she had dreamed of someone having a crush on her this is not what she had expected. She wanted her life back. So late one evening when the reporters were drinking coffee at the corner Starbucks she snuck out of her apartment with a small bag and disappeared into the night. After a month of no reappearance the press and her crush moved on to the next big thing, while she silently slipped back into her life.

Red Velvet Cupcakes with Pink Icing

I think I had the best valentines day that I have ever had since i was a little kid. do you remember how great valentines was as a kid? You got a little folded card from everyone in your class and there was a party with cupcakes and candy and everyone was wearing red and pink and you had also gotten a box of chocolates from your parents as well. There was no pressure just fun. That is what valentines should be like. But as I walked by the florist yesterday as everyone was rushing in to get flowers, it just did not seem that fun. We humans put to much pressure on ourselves to have this fantastical romantic day that no one can ever really do. So I have for many years boycotted the day. I do not wear red , I do not buy cards , I do not send flowers. And this year was no different. But this year my friends D and S and I decided to have dinner at my house and watch Lost, which we occasionally do on Wed, anyway. So I made Lasagna and Red Velvet Cupcakes with Pink Icing and D brought cocktails and we sat and ate and talked and then watched Lost and it was so nice. I think that when people first started celebrating Valentines day this is what they meant, have a good time, enjoy your friends and loved ones. Do not expect presents because you will be disappointed.

If only everything could be this Yummy

She lost her virginity in the cornfield behind her house the summer after her senior year and it was yummy. She had dreaded the experience because she had heard the stories of pain and unpleasteness that the first time would likely be, but with him it was different. With him everything was yummy. She was in love for the first time and he was everything she had ever dreamed of. He was funny and smart and so handsome it almost made her weep. With his intense blue eyes and serious talk of world politics she had fallen hard and the fact that he loved her still amazed her even to this day 20 years later, to think that the beautiful young man with such a charisma could love her, the bookish chubby weird girl. She had spent most of High School dreading the mornings when she had to leave, she planned her escape down to the last detail and then he had entered her life and she gave him everything she had been saving of herself. They spent hours driving around in his car talking and laughing and loving. And in the field the week before she left for College she gave him her virginity and it was perfect so perfect that at that moment she knew nothing would ever be as good as that. She left for college while he stayed home and worked on his father’s farm and slowly this beautiful thing they had slowly started to disintegrate and in the end she was left with a sweet yummy memory that still twenty years later could bring a smile to her face. There were many more boys after him even one she married, but none of them could ever dislodge that blue-eyed boy from her heart and when she heard of his death a little piece of her disappeared through the whole in heart that he had left.

It Started With a Scab

She picked at the scab on her knee. It felt good and when the scab slowly peeled away leaving a shiny bloody spot it felt even better. That was how it started, the cutting. As a remembrance of that day she first picked at a scab as a small girl. Now she cut all the time and each time she did it felt better then it had the last time. She hid the cuts behind long sleeves and no one had guessed yet and that also made her feel good, knowing that it was her secret.

Good-Bye Cruel World

He stood to the side of the road with his thumb lifted waiting for someone to show some mercy and stop and offer him a ride. He had been waiting for days although to him it had seemed like months. This place, this world was so sad and he could not bear it any longer, so he had packed a bag and was heading home. He was hopeless and this was the only answer he had found. It was drastic he knew but he wanted it worse then he had ever wanted anything, even worse then he had wanted world domination and the end of the human race. He wanted all of his circuits removed and he wanted to be melted down, robot suicide they called it.


On a Side note I will have a story up on Tuesday on a site called Six Sentences, check it out.

The Chronicle

It sat on the top of a huge pile of garbage in a dump that was soon to be turned back into green space. The images inside showed smiling faces, laughing babies and holidays filled with love and joy. One image was quite remarkable. It was an image of a young woman sitting on a park bench surrounded by small children. Every face looked serious and their clothes attested to the fact it was some time in the early 1920’s. Images like this exist in many places that is not what made it remarkable. On the back of the picture hidden from view were the names of those who had posed for the picture, one being the owner of the photo and the book that contained it, and if you knew history and understood what had happened in Russia during the Revolution you would have known why another name, the name Anastasia Romanov was remarkable. But it sat there on that heap of trash forgotten by those who had loved the one who had cherished it. She had died years ago and as it passed from generation to generation it become nothing more then one more book to be stored. And finally when it passed to the great granddaughter and she got married and started her own family it was abandoned, this chronicle of one woman’s life was thrown on a trash heap and would soon disappear for good. And once more a history would be lost forever.

I like Robots

I like Robots that is why I like fantasy. The kinds of Robots I like do not exist in reality. They have laser beam eyes that can blow up whole cities. They have computer brains that allow them to feel anger and hate. They want to destroy the human race purely for the reason that they are more intelligent then humans. I like evil computers as well. Ones like HAL and the computer from War Games. Give me a good story about evil robots and super computers and I am hooked. Robots Rock!

In the blink of an Eye

In the blink of an eye the idea was there, as if it had always existed and just needed to be noticed. She gathered up her things and threw them into a backpack. She left through her bedroom window hoping against hope that her parents did not hear her as she shimmed down the trellis by her window. She made not a sound and the house remained dark and quite and like that she was gone. When her parents woke the next morning they would think she was sleeping in. It was Saturday morning and teen-agers liked to do that they would think, each privately wishing she would get up so they would not have to talk to each other. They had loved once but that love had died with Greg there first child. They knew and Susan knew it, but no one said anything and they all went on living their lives together in that house but being utterly and completely alone. That was why Susan knew the idea was sound and why she had left. Her parents finally decide that 2pm was a long enough sleep in and went upstairs to rouse their daughter that fateful Saturday morning. When they realized she was gone they became frantic, calling the police and everyone they knew. But they slowly came to realize that she was gone and no amount of searching, pleading on television news programs, posting signs or milk cartons was going to bring her back. For years they continued the charade pretending to be the concerned loving parents of the missing girl. Until one day they both knew it was over, and it seemed as if at one exact moment they both had the same idea at the same time. They both packed a bag and the Mother left through the front door while the Father slipped out the back. When it became evident that they were gone the bank foreclosed on the house and it was sold to a lovely young couple with two young children, one a boy and one a girl.

Too much kissing

All the kissing was too much for her. Every where she went in the small village people would stop to greet her and kiss her on each cheek. It was what they did. After only a week in the village she had stopped leaving her apartment. She did not want to risk bumping into someone on the street who would greet her with kisses. Her family had never been really demonstratively affectionate. She knew they loved her and she did not need them to touch her to prove it. She had told her friends her loathing of being touched and they knew not to touch her, but here where she barley spoke the language and did not want to offend the culture she had said nothing and had to endure the numerous kisses. Her first two months there she barley went out. She avoided places where she knew people gathered. She cringed when she saw people she knew. But slowly ever so slowly things began to change, she began to change. It happened quite by accident about 8 months after she had first arrived. Someone who understood English over heard a conversation she had with a visitor about her dislike of being touched. Word spread around the village. Out of respect for their beloved American they stopped touching her. They no longer kissed her cheeks or looped their arms through hers. She did not notice at first, but as the days and weeks passed she felt as if something was missing and she slowly started to crave a kiss on the cheek. One night she had a vivid dream about a village where no one touched or kissed. When she awoke in the morning she realized that she lived in that village, but it was only her they did not touch or kiss. She worried she had done something to offend them. She spent the next few days deep in depression. The villagers noticed, they became concerned, what should they do. One brave soul decided to take action. He approached the American and touched her arm, forgetting the villagers pact, she burst out crying. The villagers poured from their houses, what was wrong they asked. She burst out with her fears and how sad she was they no longer kissed her cheeks. They responded with their fear that they had been kissing her too much and knew she had not liked being touched. Then they all hugged and proceeded to kiss each other on the cheeks, this took several minutes while everyone laughed and hugged and kissed. When she returned to America a year later she was a changed person, she greeted everyone she meet with a kiss to each cheek.

The Common Cold and the Koran

The past week has been filled with a stuffed nose and four boxes of Kleenex. With all of the technological advances we have made in the past 100 years and all the new medicines you would think that we could eradicate the common cold, but no we all continue to suffer through bouts with this miserable little virus. I hate having a cold, hate it hate hate it. I am not a good sick person. I hate laying about not being able to breath and trying to think of something else when all I can think of is that I can not breath. You would think that those doctors who have perfected the perfect breast implants would have used their talents for something more worthwhile, like finding a cure for the common cold, but alas there is no money in that.

obviously I am in a grouchy mood because of said cold but this has not diminished my loathing of a certain congressman from Virginia and the thousands of journalist and others who were first shocked then offended by the new Congressman from Minnesota who being a Muslim will of course be using the Koran for his swearing in. This is of course completely sensible to me, of course a person who is being sworn in to an office that has a swearing in would use the religious text of their choice(or maybe a copy of Kurt Vonneguts, "slaughter House 5" if they have no religion). But apparently the congressman from VA and many people have not read the constitution, particularly the first 10 amendments because they were under some sort of illusion that this country has a specific religion. Because it does NOT! And the argument that it says "IN GOD WE TRUST" on our money does not wash. That was added in 1954 the same year that "Under God" was added to the Pledge. We can choose any religion we want or no religion at all. This is the USA for #%$%^& sake. Of course a Muslim being sworn into office would use the Koran. Stupid Dumb Americans, get off your asses and read something. No wonder the world hates us when we make it so easy for them.

My Mom Cooks Like it is still the 70's

I can hardly contain myself. The last few days have been torture. And I foresee the next two days being just as bad. I leave for home Friday morning. Home is Avon Indiana(not actually the town I grew up in but very close and I will drive through my small town with its single four way stop.) My parents have a condo in Avon and my sister and her family and my brother and his will all be there and we will pretty much gorge ourselves on food. My mom is a great cook and we always have the same things at Christmas, Turkey on Christmas eve and Ham on Christmas day. Intermixed with all of that are the snacks. Cheeseballs, cookies, Chex Mix(homemade of course) and more specifically, a dried beef horseradish creamcheese roll up thing that is so good I crave it. It is one of what I call the 70's hors'douvres. The other is a dip made with creamcheese, garlic and chili sauce. My Mom got these recipe's in the 1970's and they are so delicious they just may be the best thing ever to come from the 70's.

Only two more days!!!!!!!!

I am one of those people

I never thought I would be one of those people, but I am. My last two posts have had pictures of my dog Chavdar, dressed for the holidays. In today's picture he is an elf. He is so darn adorable. I swear that I do not usually dress him up in costumes, but at Halloween and Christmas I can not help myself. My favorite part I admit is the fact that he looks so angry when in costume. He hates it and you can tell in the pictures. That is what makes so adorable. I promise this will be the last picture of Chavdar(for at least a couple of weeks)

Merry Christmas

I love Christmas. Despite my lingering doubts about the existence of a God let alone a Christian god I still love Christmas. I love that despite the sometimes bitter cold evenings, that the twinkling Christmas lights on the houses in my neighborhood make the walk from the train so much better. I love the constant strains of Christmas music pouring from cars, headphones and stores. I love my Christmas tree, I turn it on first thing in the morning and it is the last thing off at night. I love that my friends Gwyn and Peter are having a holiday cocktail party where Peter and I will play Christmas carols, he on the piano and me on the violin. I love that I will see my entire family for four days and that we will bake cookies, eat lots of chex mix, play board games and video games, watch "National Lampoons Christmas Vacation" and my Dad will laugh so hard he will cause himself to cough because of his asthma, and we will laugh and have fun and open Christmas gifts. Christmas is Wonderful.

The Reward

She received a reward every time she behaved. A cookie here a piece of pie there and sometimes a pair of diamond earrings or plasma screen TV for her room and once a pony. She learned to always behave. At her father's company Christmas Party she was on her best behavior everyone commented on how cute she was and what a good girl. But underneath all of the good behavior lurked a soul that wanted to yell and kick and scream at the top of her lungs. She kept her dark feelings all bottled up and slowly the rage built and built and as the years passed the rewards stopped. She no longer received a cookie here a pair of diamond earrings there. She dyed her hair purple then blue then green. Every part of her body that could be pierced was and she was on her ninth tattoo. Her parents told her every day how disappointed they were in her and she was not invited to her father's company Christmas party. So that night she sat on the balcony of her room that over looked the garden below where people from her father's company mingled. They laughed and drank and made small talk. She heard her father's voice before she saw him, " Lillian, oh yes it has been hard since she stopped behaving. We are not sure where we went wrong, but tomorrow we are having her sent to that school where Thomas sent his daughter. Yes, that's the one, when his daughter came back she was perfect never caused a problem, we hope we will have the same kind of success with Lillian. Yes, yes, their methods are violent but we think this is the only way...." She did not want to hear the rest. She had suspected they were planning something and now she had her answers. She would not let them do this, she had seen that girl when she had returned and she saw that her eyes were dead. She would not let that happen to herself. She went to her closet and started throwing things into her backpack. She lifted the edge of her mattress and removed the stack of cash she had secreted away for just such a time. She crept downstairs and out the front door. She looked back over her shoulder at the house glistening with Christmas lights, she could faintly her music and people laughing as she walked toward the street. One day she knew that her parents would get the punishment they deserved.

Basketball

I grew up in Indiana and went to Indiana University. Both of which when told to most people help explain my interest in basketball and enjoyment in watching a game live. I am not in general the kind of person who gets into sports, but having been around basketball fever all of my life and seeing some really amazing players and games I do love a good live game. Basketball is fast paced and there is always action on the court. So with that said you can understand why I so enjoyed going to a Bulls game last night with 3 friends. We had such a fun time. Professional sports games are like going to a carnival. There is always something happening and there are cheerleaders and really tall men and mascots who dance funny dances. Above is a free picture you can get taken and go online and get. You can see how much fun we were having.

Also note the new glasses and still long hair.

In the last hour.......

of the last day of the last year of the 21st century a girl child sat on the edge of the wall overlooking the forsaken land. She tried to picture in her mind what it must have looked like a hundred years before when people roamed the cities on foot, in cars and trains and buses. She imagined that it had been beautiful, but now all that was left was a wasteland of tumbling broken steel, glass and concrete. She knew that soon there would be nothing left, not even the ruins. Plans were underway to finally clean up the forsaken land. She watched as the men dressed in bio-hazard suits set the charges that would implode the ruins and obliterate the past. They had chosen to forget the past. What was done was done they all said. But secretly she kept a hidden journal full of clippings and photographs and stories about what the world had been like before the "Change". If they knew she had these things they would put her away like they had the historians and scholars. So she kept it all hidden where no one would ever look. She jumped as the first explosion went off. Then as if it were a fireworks display they all went off in succession. And then it was done and the past was gone. Along the wall where a platform had been set up for the dignitaries a loud cheer went up. Tonight there would be many parties of celebration, ringing in the New Year.

" I need a hero, I'm holding out for a hero......"

The song kept running over and over in her head. Everywhere she went there it was like a small pounding headache. On the bus over the talking and laughter and grinding of axles the song was faintly playing. Walking to work as the traffic zoomed by she could hear the chorus over and over again. She could not explain how it got stuck in her head, but it was. Had she heard the song recently on the radio, she was sure she had not. Had someone at the office been singing it? There was not a single person in her dingy gray office that could even possibly know the words so that was not an option. Why could she not get it out of her head. It was like a bad case of the hiccups. Nothing could stop it. Not listening to her favorite song, not going to a loud concert, nothing. It was stuck and she was sure it was going to last forever. It had been three weeks now. And now even when she dreamed it was there playing softly in the background. She was pretty certain she was going insane. That day for lunch she headed out by herself. Usually she brought something and ate it in the lunch room but today she felt like getting out. She stopped in the first diner she saw, opened the menu and had an epiphany. There was the answer to ending her misery and getting rid of the song. When the waitress asked for her order she politely said, " I'll have the hero."

Portland, Oregon

I went to Portland a few weeks ago and have not really had the time to write about it. I had a great time there. It was fun and relaxing and I did a lot of things. When I got back to Chicago a number of people asked me what my favorite part was. There were so many great things, I could say visiting Cargo, where they had a Pink Mao bust, with Laini, or going to Powells three different times and searching through their stacks and stacks of books, or going to Multnomah Falls, or the Corn Maze, or shopping in all the cool shops, or visiting the Portland Historical Society Museum. All of these things were amazing and I had a great time but honestly my favorite part was just hanging out with Alexandra and watching DVD's of the Office. Laughing and talking and reminiscing about our Peace Corps days. I am fortunate to have Alex as a friend and I miss seeing her all the time. One of the best times Alex and I had in the Peace Corps was watching an eight hour South Park marathon and eating homemade pizza and just relaxing. We were living and traveling and experiencing so many things while we were in the Peace Corps, so to have the opportunity to just slug about and relax was actually a luxury. And to have a friend like Alex was a gift. So my favorite part of Portland is just being able to hang out with Alex and laugh and talk and enjoy.

Sunrise

She could just see the first glimmers of light as the sun began to rise. She allowed a small smile to touch her lips. She had hoped she would make it until morning and she had. Her work was not done, but at least for a few hours she could let her defenses down and relax a little. She really needed a coffee she thought. Isn't that what people did in the morning. It had been many years since she had seen the sunrise. She had chased the night for too long. Now she had a moments break to bask in the glory of the sun. Breakfast. That is what she needed. Eggs and bacon and pancakes and hash browns. It all sounded so exotic and delicious. She made her way to a diner on the edge of town. She was overwhelmed by the choices. She settled on the blueberry pancakes smothered in maple syrup. The first bite was like falling in love and she gobbled down the rest without taking a breath. She gulped her coffee and when she was finished she sat back with a satisfied smile. As she left the diner she caught a glimpse of a dark figure lurking in the shadows. Her break was over; back to the grind. She darted into an alley and made her way to where she had seen the figure. She saw the opening in the ground and followed the familiar sent of blood to the chamber below. The casket was sitting in the middle of the floor and the lid was still vibrating from being slammed shut. She withdrew a wooden stake from her bag, opened the casket and plunged the stake into the vampires heart.

The Singing Dragon

As the castle slept, the Princesses meet.
A dragon with wings,who like to sing, had disturbed the peace and threatened their niece.
His singing was so very bad, that it made everyone sad.
He sang and sang and the Princesses ears rang and rang.
Every night for a week, they would seek a quite place to sleep.
But, alas slumber they could not, for their was no quite spot.
A plan to end this torment, if even for a moment.
So the Princesses talked through the night with no answer in sight.
Tired and sad the Princesses fled very bad.
For a plan was nowhere to be had and the dragon's signing left their ears ringing.
In the castle courtyard a young prince and princess sat and watched a cat.
The grandchildren of the King, they had once liked to sing.
But now even the wind in their favorite chimes sounded like a crime.
For when the Dragon sang they would dream of silence with a pang.
The singing was so terrible it was completely unbearable.
So the young prince and princess made a plan.
They would have to take a stand and end the dragon's reign and their families pain.
Off they went this way and that way searching for the dragon's hideaway.
Un the hills where the cows grazed the dragon was sleeping in the sun's rays.
Full of fear the Prince and Princess approached as slowly the Dragon awoke.
He turned his head and the children were filled with dread.
"Could you scratch my belly?" he said.
"By the way my name is Fred."
The children looked at him in wonder as all their fears were torn asunder.
Fred was generous and kind.
The children were in a real bind.
How to tell him his singing was bad, for it would make him sad.
So because they cared they asked why he dared to sing every night and fill the kingdom with fright.
He lowered his head to the ground and said he had found that sometimes love hurt.
He had a fight with the love of his life his beautiful Dragon wife.
So he had left their lair and thought his wife did not care.
The Princess and Prince went to find the wife for whom he pined.
They found her with eyes all red, crying because of Fred.
She was sad he was gone and knew she had been wrong.
She wanted him back with her, she was sure.
So the Prince and Princess reunited the pair and ended the scare.
That night the castle slept until the sun rose and filled the sky with light.

Corn on the Cob, the perfect car food

I was driving home from work yesterday. I work in Downtown Chicago and usually take Public Transportation but occasionally I have to go somewhere that is easier to drive to and yesterday was one of those days, I enjoy driving every once in a while becasue you see such weird random things while driving. I took a couple of co-workers home on my way and after dropping one off my other co-worker and I were chatting. We came to a four way stop and were stopped as a car made a left turn toward us and the guy driving was knawing on a piece of corn. We looked at each other and laughed. It was so odd. I have never seen someone driving their car eating corn on the cob. If you think about it, it actually is the perfect car food. It is on a stick so your hands do not get messy, you only need one hand and you do not have to put it down. It is perfect. I am considering starting a drive through corn on the cob restaurant.

I am a Chicken

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking of getting my hair cut. I have had basically the same hair for almost ten years now. Above is a picture from 7 years ago and if you look at my profile picture taken in March you can see what I mean. The same hair. So recently I saw a woman with really great hair. It was very short and looked really great. I wanted her hair and I have a hairdresser that I think could easily reproduce this short pixie like cut for me and it would probably look great. I made an appointment for today at Noon. I have cancelled the appointment. I can not do it. Why is hair such a dilemma for us. When I asked a couple people about what they thought about my cutting my hair they visibly winced like I had punched them. It is my hair after all, why would it cause such a reaction from them. Now granted a few people were very supportive. They said things like it is just hair, it will grow back, and they are right. It is just hair, it will grow back, so why did I chicken out. I can not explain it. Fear perhaps? Instead I have decided to just get new glasses.

The Reports of Darth Vader's Death are True

Sad news on the homefront. Despite his best efforts to beat the hand of time, Darth Vader has succumbed. He threw of the fins of his mortal existence and joined that big school of fish in the sky. I had thought I was prepared for his death as it has been coming for a while now. But alas I was not prepared. It was a sad day when I discovered him floating in his bowl. He lived a good long life, 31/2 years, a long time for a fish. My apartment feels empty without him. I think Chavdar has even noticed the emptiness.

Being Good

It felt so good to be bad. She had lived most of her 29 years being good. Studying in school, not smoking, no excessive drinking, following instructions and directions, listening to her fellow man, working hard. But now she was free of all that for the first time in her life and it felt good, darkly, dirty, sexy good. She could see the fear in the eyes of the man she had the heel of her boot planted on. She dug her heel in a little more and watched with glee as he winced in pain. This was the most fun she had in a long while. She asked the man one more time for the information she wanted. This time with blood streaming from his broken nose he gave it up, everything she needed to know. She removed her foot from his neck holstered her gun and sauntered out. She headed for a bar she knew would be crowded with the kind of people she needed. In her short skirt and fishnet stockings a man couldn't help but watch her walk by. And that is exactly what she wanted. She had learned the fine art of distraction from a prostitute in Memphis. It was a skill she had never used before but had found she had a knack for and she used it now for one reason and one reason alone, Revenge! They would pay, all of them. The good girl was gone.

Chocolate Bars for Guns

If I could stop time this is what I would do: I would go all over the world and replace every single gun with a Chocolate bar. The Gun locked in a box in your closet, now a chocolate bar. The gun resting on that rack in the back window of your truck, a chocolate bar. The guns of every soldier every where, chocolate bars. The guns being manufactured at Smith and Wesson, now chocolate bars, in fact the Smith and Wesson factory, now a chocolate factory. Once time was unfrozen everyone would then have all this amazing chocolate to eat and would not even notice the guns were gone because they would be too happy eating chocolate to even care about what they had been planning to do with those guns.

If I could have one super power it would be teleportation. It is a selfish super power and I would want to be able to teleport other with me sometimes. Just think about it. Dinner in Paris, you are there in an instant. Bead shopping in Accura, Ghana whenever you want. Visiting family an friends at a moments notice. Think of all you could do and the money you would save.

Inspiration

In the spring I was inspired by my friend Alexandra to get back to writing. I had not really been pursuing it recently and she helped me become excited about it again. So I set up one big goal for myself, create a writing corner by the end of the summer. I wanted to find a desk( for cheap since I do work in the non-profit world)and I wanted to paint it a fun color and I wanted to make it a good place to write. I actually accomplished this feat. I got a desk for free from a friend who was moving, I painted it a pale blue and I decorated it with pictures, etc, and I created a good place to write. Above is a terrible picture of the desk, but it will have to do for now. Below is the beginning of a story I am working on at that desk. Thanks Alex.


The dream started like it always had in the past. She was sitting on a tree stump in a lush forest surround by a group of strange, mystical creatures. The centaur was the first to speak. She always listened intently and although she could see his lips moving she could never hear a word of what he was saying. In fact there was no sound at all in the dream and there never had been. She always awoke at the same moment every time, at the point when the creatures began to silently clap in unison. This time though was different she saw the Centaurs lips move and suddenly she could her birds chirping and then rolling like thunder there was a loud roaring coming from across the forest.
She sat bolt upright and grabbed her head to stop the pounding. She was shaking and covered in sweat. She looked around her darkened room as the moonlight danced its way along the floor, waltzing up and touching on the bright blue pendant laying on her dresser, making the eye on the pendant appear to be winking at her.

Family Values

I am frustrated, tired and getting angrier by the day. The reasons for this are the constant bombardment by the Republicans in office and those running for office, with negative ads and scare tactics. For the last six years I have been told over and over that if I do not support the Republicans that I do not support family values. That if I do not support the Republicans I want the terrorist to win. That if I do not support the Republicans I will go to hell. I am sick and tired. I heard again yesterday in a program on what the press calls, "Security Mom's" ,a young woman about my age actually said, "The Republican Party is the Party for me because they support family values," I yelled at the TV, Really!!!!! Because I guess that is true if you think family values consists of lying about WMD's, cutting taxes yet spending more money on a War you lied about to get support for, cutting funding for Health and Human services, blaming your predecessor for not catching Osama Bin Laden when you, yourself have had six years in which to catch him and you have not, ignoring Korea for the last six years so you can wage a War on a country that had no real connection to the attack on 9/11, being to bullheaded to use diplomacy to try to solve world problems, passing a law called "No Child Left Behind" that actually leaves every child behind ,except for the children of the very rich who can afford the best private schools, Oh and yeah, sending illicit text messages to underage boys describing what you want to do to them sexually, if all of these sound like good family values to you then yes the Republican Party is the party for you. Oh and I will see you in Hell, you heard me, because according to a number of your Strong, Jesus loving, terrorist Hating, Patriotic, White Sheet Wearing brethren I am going to hell for all of my liberalism, While you will be there for all the evil you have allowed to flourish by voting Republican, all in the name of Family Values. Peace.

Fact: King Tut bears an eerie resemblance to Barbara Streisand.

I had the opportunity to see the King Tut exhibit at the Field Museum here in Chicago this week. It amazes me that these artifact's are over 3000 years old and still in wonderful condition. I did the audio tour which I love doing so I can learn lots of interesting facts. For instance, King Tut was just nineteen when he died. There were a lot more interesting facts as well, but the most interesting thing I learned was that from what scientists have figured out from CAT scans etc is that King Tut bears an uncanny resemblance to a Young Barbara Steisand.

The Costume

She had skinned her knee again. It seemed that she always had a skinned knee, bruised elbow, scratched leg, or stubbed toe. She was klutzy and had never felt comfortable in her skin, ever, not for 12 years. Her parents said she would grow into her body and that everyone sometimes felt like they did not belong in their own skin. But she seriously believed that this feeling of hers was different then that. She really thought she did not belong in the body she now occupied. She could not describe it to anyone and had never tried for fear they would laugh at her. She got that enough and did not need anything else to make people think she was a freak. On the morning of her thirteenth birthday with a skinned knee she sat down for breakfast with her parents. They were acting weird but she did not dwell on it. All she could think about was what was going to happen at school and how she had to get up in front of her whole class and read her poem. She hated speaking in front of her class. So when her Mom cleared her throat and said she need to talk to her about something important, she was not really focusing on what she was saying. All she really noticed was the moving of her Mom’s lips and her nervous hand gestures. That was until her Mom slowly reached up to her hair line and pulled off her face. She gasped and watched in horror as her Dad also reached up and pulled off his face. Underneath was the most beautiful iridescent blue skin she had ever seen. She truly listened then and sat and took it all in, absorbing everything. Then she stood up and went slowly up to her room. What she learned was going to take some time to sort out. But first she had to see if it was true. She went to the mirror on her closet door and lifted up her hair. She had never really paid attention to the scar that ran along her hairline. Her parents had told her she had minor surgery when she was a baby, but apparently that was not true. Apparently what her parents meant when they said she had minor surgery was that they had created a human skin to cover her real skin so that she could live as a human. So she lifted her hair again and pulled her skin down and their beneath the human skin was the blue iridescent skin. It was lovely. She was lovely. Her eyes when seen with the human skin appeared plain and brown but with this blue skin they glowed a bright amber color. She was still adjusting to this revelation when her older brother burst through the door of her room. He started talking and everything gushed out about how their parents had told him on his thirteenth birthday and how it had taken him a while to adjust. She sank to the floor and just listened. Listened to his words flow over her. She started thinking about all her scrapes and bruises and how she had never felt as if she fit into this body and now she knew why. It was not her skin. Her skin was the iridescent blue that all her kind had in common. They had settled on earth three generations before; putting on their human costumes to blend in. Their planet had died over a hundred years ago and although most of her kind had settled on earth there were others who had settled on different planets in different solar systems. That evening as she looked out her window at all the stars shining brightly in the sky, a slow smile spread across her face. She fell asleep that night feeling comfortable for the first time in 13 years as the moon glistened on her bright blue skin.

The Reports of Darth Vader's death are greatly exaggerated!

I have been on a death watch for the past two weeks. My beloved fish Darth Vader has appeared to be on death's door. Yet he remains alive. I first noticed a couple of weeks ago that he was listing to the side and wanted to lay at the bottom of his bowl most of the time and he was not eating. I changed his water in the hopes of reviving him but it seemed to only make him linger more at death's door. But against all hopes last night he seemed to simply shake off deaths grip and started swimming vigorously around his bowl. I feed him and he ate every morsel. What happened to give Mr.Vader(as my Dad likes to call him) a renewed vigor for life? I have no answer that question. Perhaps he realized all he would miss out on if he did swim into the light. Or maybe just maybe he dreams of making it into the Guinness Book of World Records by being the longest living Betta Fish ever. He has survived for 3 years and 4 months so surely he is on his way. I hope his zest for life keeps him going. I will be sad when he does decide to throw off the mantle of mortal existence and join the school of fish in the blue waters of the sea beyond.

Instructions

The instructions said to simply add water. So she filled the small glass jar with water and waited. She checked on it every few hours the first two days, then as the days became weeks she checked every few days. As the weeks became months she checked every few weeks and as those months added up and became years she simply forgot about the small glass jar and went on with her life. She grew up and went to high school, then college. She got a job she liked but did not love. She meet a man she liked but did not love. She liked the life she had carved for herself but she did not love it. She never complained and was grateful for a good steady life. But she did dream of far flung adventures with dashing men and fabulous clothes and exotic places. She dreamed of becoming a spy and seeking out all the worlds secrets She dreamed of being a doctor who traverses the Rainforest looking for its secret cures. She dreamed of speaking every language known to man. She held her dreams close to her and told no one of her desires. Until that day when she was reminded of the instructions she had followed years ago, "Just add water." The police came to her door that day asking questions, then the FBI showed up asking questions, then the CIA and Scotland Yard showed up asking more questions. She did not have the answers to their questions. She was confused. They took her away and put her in a small room by herself. They came again and asked the questions again, but this time she knew the answers, she even could answer in several languages. She did not know how she could do this but she could and slowly as they kept asking questions and she kept answering, she began to not just like her life but love it. What transpired after all the questions is a mystery because she left through a side door and no one has seen her since. Her parents keep mementos of her around the house to remind them that she did exist. One of the mementos her mother cherishes is the small glass jar that had once been filled with water by a little girl formulating dreams of the future, on the instruction tag it said, fill with water and all your dreams will come true.

Open Letter to the residents of the Condo Building Next Door to my office building

Dear Condo Residents,

You may not realize this because you foolishly think that because you live on the 8th floor of a luxury condo building in downtown Chicago no one can see into your apartment. Just to let you know, we can. Most people in my office are here at work by 8:30 am every week-day, so if you decide that a nice morning bout of sex with your partner is what you want to do, great more power to you, but please close the curtains. Also if you feel like frying bacon for breakfast either wear clothes to do it or close the curtains. We can see you.

Yours Truly,
Employees across the street

Carcassonne

I just finished reading a delicious book called the Labyrinth, by Kate Mosse. It is set in France in both current times and the 12th century. Being a history major I love reading historical fantasy. Time travelling, past lives, I love it all. I loved this book and actually it has piqued my interest in a number of subjects, The Crusades, Medieval France, The Cathers, Occitan and most specifically Carcassonne, France. What I knew from reading this book was that it was a walled city that was first founded during the Roman Empire and that it is one of the few remaining walled cities in Europe and is located in Southern France. After googling it I found that it is a UNESCO World Heritage site and is probably one of the most beautiful places I have seen. It was occupied by the Visigoths in 436. In 1082 the Trencavel family came to be Viscounts of Carcassonne. It was abandoned in the 18th century and was almost demolished in 1850 but some restoration had already begun and thus the demolition decree was never carried out. It is now at the top of my world travel list. A lot happened at Carcassonne, during the the Crusades against the Cathers it was beiseged and eventually fell. It is now a huge tourist destination.

In the future only Robots will know love.

My co-workers and I have become obsessed with Robots and Super Computers. We have Robot pictures on our desktops, for his birthday we bought my boss a book titled
"How to survive a Robot Uprising" and my boss is planning a Robot costume for Halloween. In that vein we have recently been discussing what the future holds for Robots. My boss believes that the Earth will never know peace and harmony until we are all ruled by a Supercomputer. I disagree for various reason but mainly because computer are ultimately programmed by humans(his argument that eventually the supercomputer will start to build its own computers so the human element is mot is wrong because the origin of all computers will still be man.) We have had numerous discussion on this topic, to the extent that we have become consumed with proving our point. Will a Super Computer be a better leader or will it fail to because it was built by humans. These discussions have gone on for entire lunches. Recently we went to lunch with a co-worker who had yet to be involved in the Super computer discussion and I really think we scared him. He seemed to be shocked by the fact that instead of discussing our current foreign policy we were actually discussing the merits of being ruled by a Super computer. But ultimately our discussions of Super Computer Dictatorships are way more entertaining then contemplating the Iraq War and the Bush administration because lets face it I am just bidding my time until 2008. Super Computer for President 2008!

PS: In the future only robots will know love, it is a fact.

Paint your own pottery

In the Regency period of history when Jane Austin was writing her amazing novels, young woman of a certain class did not have many options when it came to spending their free time. They could read, play the pinafore, paint water color landscapes or pieces of pottery. I am thankful that I did not live during this time because I would have gone crazy with the lack of freedom and choices, but I think we have lost something that people of this time had. The ability to truly enjoy our leisure time and fill it with simple fun activities, like archery or boating or painting pottery. Instead too many people hang out at bars and drink.

So this week-end my friends Diane, Stephanie and I spent a leisurely afternoon painting pottery. It is loads of fun and I think that I am developing an addiction to it. This is the second time I have painted pottery the first happened as a spur of the moment thing. This time we sort of planned it. I painted a mug and am so looking forward to picking it up on Saturday that I can hardly concentrate on anything else. The best part of the process is just hanging out with your friends and talking as you paint. I highly recommend this activity.

I also went bowling this week-end so it turned out to be a great week-end.

Arch-nemesis

To insure that my life is as full and fun as I can make it I have always felt it is important to have an arch nemesis. I have done this since I was young. I think it adds color and joy to your life to have that one person you just dread seeing and you want to shake your fist at. There are aome rules to who my arch-nemesis is, they are simple rules, they are not people or things that could actually ever really hurt me but that are just daily, weekly or monthly annoyances. A good example would be one of my first, she was my baby-sitter for about 3 years and she always made me watch scary movies, I dreaded her. Jerry Seinfeld has a good one in Newman.

I currently have two arch-nemesis. One I call the Starbucks boy. He works at the Starbucks a block from my apartment and he is the slowest barista EVER! But that is not why he is my enemy. Last year I walked to Starbucks on a Sunday morning as I am want to do and he was working the register. He did not greet me or ask me what I wanted he said, " Do you watch adult swim" he mumbled this and I did not quite hear him so I said, "What" and he smugly said," You don't know what adult swim is?" and I replied that I did that I just did not have cable so did not watch it and then he asked me if I knew what my tee-shirt meant. I was wearing my black MISFITS tee-shirt with the melting skull on it(the Misfits are a band from the 70-80's) I said yes I did, that it was a Misfits shirt and then I asked him if he knew who the Misfits were and he said yes of course and the woman working with him laughed and said " No you don't". I ordered my coffee and he did not say anything else. From that day forward he has tormented my dog whenever he see's us walking. He is so slow in making coffee that he only works the register now.

My other Arch-nemesis is named Joshie and I actually cross the street when I see him. He loves my dog and knows him by name. He is 2 years old. He pushes down on Chavdar as he pets him. I seriously avoid the kid and I sort of feel bad about because recently he kissed my dog and rubbed his cheek on his back. So I am trying to decide if he should still be my enemy.

So if you do not have an arch-nemesis you should get one. It is fun.

Jesus may need to enter your Apartment.

The above was posted on the entrance to my apartment building? I paused for just a second thinking about, What would Jesus do in my Apartment. Would he check out what was in my fridge and sample the Trader Joes Key Lime Pie yogurt? Would he scan my bookshelf for the bible and be disappointed it was not there or would he pull the often read David Sedaris book, "Me Talk Pretty" down and sit down on my couch and read for awhile. Or would he pull out my photo albums and be amazed as I often am at the many opportunities I have had to travel? Would he like the pictures of me as a vampire's victim laying on the ground in Bran, Romania? Would he wander into my bedroom, open my closet and proceed to try on all my high heeled shoes( I think he would really like the three inch gold ones)? Would he cuddle with my dog? Would he eat all my ice cream? What do you think Jesus would do?

The Best Poem ever

We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.


This poem is by Gwendolyn Brooks and I have always loved it. I pulled her book of the shelf recently and was reminded of how much I love her poems. Having recently moved to Chicago and actually knowing some of the locations of her poems has also given me a new perspective on her work. I think that this poem is still relevant today.

Cupcakes

When my friend Alex came to visit in May I took her out for cupcakes and we proceeded to eat large quantities of cupcakes. But since that visit I had not had a cupcake( I have been trying to be more health consciences and avoiding the temptation to indulge) But last week Alex talked about cupcakes in her blog, specifically meatball cupcakes, which got me thinking about the delicious vanilla cupcakes topped with the creamiest vanilla frosting you have ever tasted. So a friend of a friend, Vince, recently moved to Chicago from Portland( I have meet so many from Portland in the last year living here in Chicago that it feels like I lived in Portland)and so I invited Vince to meet me for Cupcakes. I had explained to him that two cafes in our neighborhood had the best cupcakes in all of the World( actually voted #1 cupcake in Chicago) delivered from the bakery where they are made every morning. At 3 pm on Saturday we meet for cupcakes. I bought the last two cupcakes, one for me and one for Vince. My friend Diane joined us also well, but did not partake in the cupcake fest(I think she has been turned into a robot because how else could she resist?) Vince and I pulled the paper cups off of our cupcakes and dug in, my first bite was huge and I think I actually purred. These cupcakes are so goood that even words do not do them justice. Diane was laughing and said that she could not believe that we both had just eaten our cupcakes in less then 30 seconds. I have to say that those 30 seconds were possibly the best in my life. If I wish for one thing for everyone on earth it would not be the end of wars and hate but that everyone at least once got to experience that pure happiness that came with eating the most delicious cupcake ever, because who would want to fight or be angry when their belly was filled with such joy.

Chavdar!!!!

Is there anything else to say.

The Green Mill

As cities grow and change over time they lose those things that once made them historic. Too often old buildings are torn down and replaced by condos. It is happening here in Chicago. This once old city made new over a hundred years ago by a fire has been burned again. Everywhere you look new condos are going in. In my block alone two new buildings have replaced old Victorian houses that appeared to be perfectly perfect to me. I love the history of a city where in 2006 I can go and sit in the exact seat the Al Capone once occupied. For this reason alone I have developed a huge crush on the Green Mill Lounge. Once a hang out of mobster Al Capone and visited even by Presidents The Green Mill is a part of history and today it looks just like it did during the 1930's. I went to hear a great band, the Four Charms, play a couple of weeks ago and was amazed not only by the band but the sound they made in that lounge. It was almost like being in history with girls in retro dresses and hair styles and men with pompadours. If you ever make it to Chicago do not miss the Green Mill.

What a week-end

A lot of things happened this week-end. I went to another baseball game at Wrigley Field and once again was awed by the beauty that is the second oldest ball park in the country. We sat behind home plate in the shade. The seats were excellant. The governeor was about 10 rows away and I hade a frozen chocolate malt that I ate wit ha wooden spoon. It was so good.

I had my performance on Saturday evening and it was so much fun. I got a number of laughs and I had a really great time. I hope I get the chance to do it again. My parents were in town and they went to the show and a bunch of friends showed up so it was pretty cool.

Mitzie Vanderhooten

I will be performing on May 27th as part of the Don't Spit the Water show. The link is listed in my Audition post. I will be doing about a 5 to 10 minute stand up routine using my love poems to dictators. I am very excited.

Why I Live Where I Live

In 2000 I returned to America after two years in the Peace Corps. I left a city I loved to return to a city I grew to hate. I moved back to Detroit because my family was there. Detroit has a lot to offer but it never felt like home to me and then slowly my family started leaving and I no longer had a reason to stay so I found a job in Chicago and packed up and left that dismal place to come to a city I knew little about. From the moment I entered this city on the lake I knew I was home. I felt comfortable and happy. And these feelings have not diminished one iota. As summer approaches and everything that is great about this city comes back to live after the long winter I feel renewed and delighted that I have found a place to call home.

Take me out to the Ball Park

I went to my first Cubs game last night at Wrigley Field. It was amazing. Not only are the Cubs playing well and won the game but I was sitting in the second oldest ball park in the country it was very cool. If you take a gander at the picture I was sitting on the lower deck on the right hand side. We had great seats.

Why I love Chicago

Because I can walk around looking like this and no one blinks. I went with friends on Saturday to celebrate one of their birthdays and we wore colored wigs. It was a great deal of fun. We had tapas and sangria, went for margaritias and then ended up at a karoke place. Every where we went everyone said they loved our hair.

The Windy City

Today I do live in the Windy City. It was so windy on the way to work that I was nearly blown away. It made me laugh. I felt like I was one of those people in images you see of the wind blowing so hard they are being pushed back and thier umbrella is totally the wrong way and inside out. It was down right crazy.

My Audition

So I auditioned on Saturday. It went pretty well and everyone laughed at my character, Mitzie Vanderhooten, a upper crust woman married to an Oil Tycoon, who just happens to write love poems to dictators.

I was nervous but felt good about my performance and it all paid off. They have invited me to perform once or twice in the May/June schedule. Yippie.

Here is the link for the show:

http://www.dontspitthewater.com/

Heather's Headshot

This is my headshot. I never thought I would say that. Why would I need a ever need a headshot. I need one because I am auditioning on March 18th for a guest spot in a sketch comedy show that runs every Saturday at a theater here in Chicago. It is called "Don't Spit the Water" and is a game show where comedians try to make contestants from the audience to laugh and spit out the water in their mouth. It is very funny. I am auditioning for an intermission type comedian. I have a character that reads her love poems to dictators. Even if I do not get on the show it will be fun to at least auditioning.

Maude Valentine

I have been reading my Grandma Clark's journals recently. She wrote them from 1977 to 1989. She passed away in 1989 and the last entry is a few weeks before her death. They have been a wonderfully blessing. I was only 19 when my grandmother died and I had adored her. She was the best Grandmother a person could have. She did in fact help to shape the person I became. In those journals one of the things she mentioned was an idea for a story she was going to write. Well I had never heard of the story so I know it was not published. So I decided to go home and look through a file cabinat that my parents still have. I brought home a bag of stuff of hers that looked like it could have some wiritings in it. One of the things was called Maude Valentine. This is in fact the story idea she had. It has five chapters and over a 100 pages. I strated reading it last night. I am going to go through it and see if I could update it and finish it. I would love to be able to do that for my Grandmother.

I also found some great family history stuff about her family. They owned a hotel here in Chicago. I am going to do some research on this.

The Communist Manifesto

In 1848 Karl Marx and Frederick Engel's published "The Communist Manifesto". I read this work as well as "Das Kapitas" in college and was very intrigued by this political philosophy. The idea that everyone is equal and is treated equally and works according to the means and is provided according to their needs. In theory it is great. We could all have enough food etc. In practice it never works. Humans are by nature selfish and thus incapable of truly be altruistic. Unfortunates to many Americans the word communist represts the People who take Marx's writings and tried to create these societies and failed. The Soviet Union, China and Cuba are not Marxist states, that are bastardization of his theories. I find that even toady with all of our knowledge many people still do not clearly see this and we still use communist as a dirty word. I have in the past been called a communist and not in a nice way. I usually laugh this off, but I am getting tired of that, because in fact I do often see myself leaning toward what Marx meant. That we all need to be treated fairly. That we should all have enough food and enough clothes and the same educations. Those things are just not for the better off in our societies. The American dream is not real. It does not often matter how hard you work, not everyone can pull themselves up by their boot straps and it is ridiculous for us to continue to believe this. We should be helping everyone become better not only ourselves. Poverty is not a crime, not wanting to work more then forty hours a week is not a crime, taking vacations is not a crime, wanting a decent education is not a crime, needing help from others is not a crime. We all have the right to live a happy life.

The Darwin Awards

Every year the Darwin Awards are listed. The arwards go to the most ridiculous stupid thing a person has done in the previous year. Here is this year's list. It makes my heart warm to know that there are so many stupid people in the world.


Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:


1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.


8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

Fact and Fiction

When I first decided to leave Michigan the biggest factor in the move was wishing to be in a larger city with public transportation. I originally thought "well of course New York", but as I started applying for jobs I realized that maybe New York was not the perfect place as more and more of the jobs I was applying for were in Chicago. When I was actually offered a job in Chicago I thought "well this must be fate". And I truly believe this is the city I was meant to live in. I love everything about it even the wind. I thing I had not really thought that much about was the political leanings of the state to which I was moving. I have lived most of my life in the Midwest and have always been surrounded by people who are completely opposite from me in politics, so it has never been that big of deal. I have just accepted that because I am left of Ghandi in my thinking that I would be left of almost everyone else where ever I lived. So it was with great joy that I realized as I packed my belongings that I was moving to a state that had just elected Barrack Obama to the Senate. He is a fine man and I think he will do great things, but in the last few days I have been really disturbed by what the Republicans with the help of John McCain are trying to do to him. McCain has accused him of bowing to his own parties pressures regarding the lobbyist reform by refusing to back McCain's plan. Obama has responding by explaining he had made no promises. Why must people air their anger about another so publicly, if McCain really was angry and upset with Obama he should have gone to him privately to work out their issues instead of releasing that letter to the world. McCain wanted to make a spectacle so that if and when Obama runs for a higher office they can claim they have proof he is unwilling to work with bipartisan groups. People need to grow up and act like adults. I am tired.

Baba Yaga

I was recently talking to a couple of co-workers about witches and scary figures in folktales and I had completely forgotten about Baba Yaga, so I excitedly retold what I knew about her from Bulgaria and that she was kind of like their boogy man or gypsy story for parents to tell their children when they misbehaved. I went on line and found an image from a Bulgarian festival of a dancer with a Baba Yaga mask. It has become a favorite picture around my office because it is scary. Below is a general description of Baba Yaga.




Baba Yaga
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Baba Yaga in Slavic mythology is the wild woman, the dark lady and mistress of magic. She is also seen as a forest spirit, leading hosts of spirits. The word baba in most Slavic languages means an older or married woman of lower social class.

Baba Yaga is portrayed as a witch who flies through the air in a mortar using the pestle as a rudder sweeping away the tracks behind her with a broom made out of silver birch. She lives in a log cabin that revolves around by means of a pair of chicken legs that dance. Her fence outside is made with human bones with skulls on top. The keyhole to her front door is a mouth filled with sharp teeth. In another legend the house does not reveal the door until it is told a magical phrase: turn your back to the forest, your front to me.

She aids those who are pure of heart and eats the souls of those that visit her unprepared and unclean of spirit. She is said to be the Guardian Spirit of the fountain of the water of life.

According to some versions of the myths, Baba Yaga ages a year every time someone asks her a question. This is why she is often portrayed as a cranky old hag - she is frustrated and angry about having been asked so many questions. The only way for her to de-age herself is by drinking a special tea she brews from blue roses. Heroes who bring her a gift of blue roses are often granted wishes as reward for their aid.

In one folk tale a young girl, Vasilisa, is sent to visit Baba Yaga on an errand and is enslaved by her, but the hag's servants a cat, a dog, a gate and a tree help Vasilisa to escape because she has been kind to them. Finally, Baba Yaga is turned into a crow. In another version of the same story recorded by Aleksandr Nikolajevitj Afanasjev in Narodnye russkie skazki (vol 4, 1862) Vasilisa is given three impossible tasks that she solves using a magic doll her mother gave to her.

Red Tailed Hawk

The red tailed hawk circled and swooped
making loop after loop
a sight to see, If only I could be
as free and fine, if just for a short time.

The Fairy Queen

I was recently rereading some of my poems and I realized I had not put up any poems recently and this is called Poetry from Heather so here goes:

The fairy queen could be seen
floating over the sea
oh, could it really be
that she loved the sun
who was on the run
slowly dipping and slipping
past the waves and white caps
to take his daily nap
far below on the ocean floor
oh, what was in store
for this lovely pair
to happy to ever think of despair
only time will tell if this love spell
will last the test of time and linger
beyond thier eternal rest.

Tagged

What were three things when you were little you wanted to be when you grew up?

A Lawyer
The President
A torch song singer

You can live one day over again from your childhood. What day will it be?

Riding in the car with my Grandparents to their house as my Grandmother tells us the story of the Shoemaker and the Elves and my grandfather makes sarcastic comments about the story.

You have two minutes (and a mover with you if you need heavy lifting help!) to grab 5 things from your home before it morphs into a polka dotted hobgblin and hops away. What will you take? (Food/drink/family/friends excluded!)

My photo alblums
My Brown County Paintings
My grandfathers old wool lap blanket
My grandmothers books and journals
My banjo and violin

You have to paint one quote on your kitchen wall. Whats it going to be?

"Truths are first clouds; then rain, then harvest and food"
- Henry Ward Beecher

What is one thing you want to have accomplished by the end of this year?

Learning to play the banjo

You are moving to the moon for one year and can only bring one flower with you. What kind will you bring?

Yellow marigolds

You just received word that aside from one flower, you can also bring five books with you too! Your choices?

Persuasion, Jane Austin
Welcome to the Monkey House, Kurt Vonnegut
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, JRR Tolkien
The People's History of the World, Zimmerman
Where the Sidewalk Ends, Shel Silverstien

Our Economy Sucks!

So today on the news I heard that 24500 people from the Chicago area applied for the 325 jobs at the new Wal-mart opening on the Southside of the city. It is sad that so many people are obviously so desperate for work that they would seek out a job with a company that has very few full time employees so they do not have to pay health insurance, that shows anti-union videos to all of their employees and continues to undersell mom pop shops thus driving them out of bushiness and insuring that we only buy things made in China.

I love Chris Farley

Hosted at MySpaceNow.com

Heather in South Park

So thanks to Jason for the South Park character thing. Everyone in my office has made a character of themselves. Here is me. Way cooler then I really am.

"And to top it all off my parole officer is being a prick!"

So yesterday on the train I stood next to this guy on the phone who was talking so loudly that everyone could hear his entire converstation. He was going on about how Depaul University was screwing him around and he need this one class to graduate and there were only two spots left and he had spent all day running from office to office to get into the class. And it was worse because he had taken that year off for "vacation" as he called it and he just wanted to graduate. Than he says "And to top it all off my parole officer is being a prick!" So I look around the train to see if anyone else had heard this and thought it was weird and everyone wa looking down except this one guy and when I look and him and he looks at me and we both burst out laughing. The guy than proceeds to call said parole officer to expalin why he did not check in that morning.

People really need to stop having conversations on cell phones that they should really only have in private.

The 56th floor of the Chase building

We had a cocktail party for work on the 56th floor of the Chase Building downtown. The view was a amazing. I love this city.

Walk the Line

I saw "Walk The Line" this week-end and it was a great movie both Joaquin phoenix and Reese Witherspoon did a great job. But I do not think anything can truly compare to the true story of Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. Separately they made great music, but together it was amazing. If you have not listened to Johnny Cash recently I recommend you do. Also Check out the movie.


June Carter wrote this song about Johnny Cash and he dreamed of Mariacci Horns:

Johnny Cash Lyrics

Ring Of Fire Lyrics


Love is a burning thing
and it makes a firery ring
bound by wild desire
I fell in to a ring of fire...

I fell in to a burning ring of fire
I went down,down,down
and the flames went higher.
And it burns,burns,burns
the ring of fire
the ring of fire.

The taste of love is sweet
when hearts like our's meet
I fell for you like a child
oh, but the fire went wild..

I fell in to a burning ring of fire.....[etc]

Red Book

My boss went to China and this is what he brought me:

Ticker Tape Parade

I went to the parade this afternoon with co-workers. We walked over. It was so much fun.

Go White SOX!

Chicago Theater

So until I moved here I did not realize how much I was missing out on local theater and improv. It is great here. You can see a comedy show for about the price of a movie. Recently I saw a group who do a show called Dont Spit the Water and it is a faux game show and three comedians compete to make three audeince members laugh who have thier mouths filled with water. It was so funny.

The World

Wow, I thought I had been a lot of places but it does not look like it!


create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

The Lesser of the two evils!

So I heard on the news today that South Korea is offering North Korea hekp with thier massive electicity problems if they will stop nuclear weapon prolifiration programs. The commentator was a Expert on the Korea issue and he went on to discuss how N. Korea is not willing to make any commitments unless the US agress to stop its policy of regime change, whihc all seems logical to me, compromise is only compromise when both side have to give things up. Nuclear proliferation for No Regime change. Unfortunatley the US has failed to amke these comittment s and does not seem likely they will in this next round of talks. What scared me today was that this Commentator also said the at this point S. Korea will probably stay the course and regardless of what the US does will continue working with the north to have better relations because and I quote " they see North Korea as the lesser of the two evils..." North Korea is the lesser of the two evils of North Korea and the US. NORTH KOREA, the leser of the two evils, and thye have been known to kidnap people from South Korea, but they are the lesser of the two evils. How far have we sunk. Can we get ourselves out of this?

Chocolate

Some of you may not know this but our downtown office is just a couple blocks from the Bloomer Chocolate Factory, so on some days particulary windy ones you can smell chocolate. I love when I get off the el and all I smell is cooking chocolate.

Greasy Food

I just had the best greasy food ever. It was driping grease. I had a patty melt and fries and I am not sure I can eat again ever.

Ode to Grease!

It taste so good and I know I realy should

Not eat that greasy burger or fries

but I always have to try

Because what is bad for you always taste better

I want to live in Florida

So it is offical Florida is the best state in the world. They have passed a self defense law allowing you to meet force with force. So basically shoot first ask questions later. If you feel threatened walking down the street you can shoot someone. The Governor actually signed this bill to law. We do not live in the old west. All I have to really say is get a grip. When do you think the Governor's brother will be visiting?

It was easier to get a phone in a former Communist country that had limited phone capabilities and where not everyone who wanted a phone could get one, thne to get a phone in a country where everyone has the latest technological advances. I will hopefully have a phone this evening but one can never tell.

Two Things

Two things for today. First I played Whilry ball last night with co-workers. It was outstanding. Buzzing around in bumper cars trying to throw a ball at a net is way fun. Everyone should try it. I do know that I am getting old because today I am sore all over.

Second the hour on the court was so relaxing and freeing that it did not prepare me for this moring when I flip on the TV and there was a bombing in London on the underground subway and on a double decker bus. Come on people of the world! I know that this will sound naive and innocent but in the words of Rodney King "Can't we alll jsut get along" I hate George Bush as much as everyone else and I am disappointed in Tony Blair, but I would never hurt anyone to get my point across. Why are there so many crazy people. Stop the madness.

War of the Worlds!

So I hope everyone had a great 4th. Mine was good. Dave and Sandy came to visit this week-end. It was good to see them. Chavdar really enjoyed their visit. He was crazy, barking and jumping. They were my first overnight guest since moving here and he is going to have to get used to it. I think i have people coming every week-end this month so he better calm down. It probably did not help that we had an emergancy last Wed. and I had to take him to the Mergancy room. He was vomiting blood. He is A OK now but I was scared.

So I saw war of the worlds and I was somewhat disappointed. I think there were too many inconsistancies in the whole electromagnetic impulse and why was Boston still standing but NYC not. Also that little girl yelled too much. But some of the action scenes were cool and Morgan Freemans voice is outstanding.

Ode to Morgan Freeman

He drove Miss Daisy
and is not lazy

He starred with Brad Pitt
And I am a bit smit...ten

Has he ever won and Oscar
For that movie about the Boxer?

I would marry him in a minute
If his PR people would spin it.

Where are you now Mr. Freeman?

New Format

So I have decided to change my blog to a more general type. I have found it will be easier to communicate my thoughts in prose, as I really do not have the time to write poems for everything that happens to me. Do not worry over much my friends for I will still peeper my updates with poems( not that any of you really care you heathens). So I am sure most of you are not working today, but I am so I am here at work. I went to a new resturant for lunch( we have so many here near my building that you could eat out everyday and not go to the same resturant twice, COOL!) The resturant was Cereality and is only breakfast cereals. I got a scoop of lucky charms and a scoop of fruity pebbles with walnuts. It was very tasty.

On a sad note, why oh why are you retiring Sandra? I am very certain that we will see the longest fillibuster in the history of congress for this one( at least I hope those stupid democrates don't buckle)

So on that note have a safe a free 4th of July while you still can.

Viva La Revolution!

A tripping on the Train

So today a man standing by the doors to the train actually put his foot out and tried to trip me. It was not an accident, but deliberate. I am not sure why he did this. What a freak.

A man tried to trip me today on the train
Fortunatley it did not cause me great pain

I ponder the humanity
That could cause this man's insanity

Did he think it was funny
When really he was just like a nose that was runny

Annoyance to me
Was he!

I could have called the police to the scene
for a crime it could have been.

Assualts on passengers and employees on CTA
Is a mandatory 10 year stay

In the big house he would go
why are some people so slow

Do not trip a woman in heels so high
for she might just punch you in the eye.

The Computers

So I do a lot more work with Computers here at my new job and they are actually functioning and what not. We have an IT department. WOW. I have a flat monitor. But alas the network can still go down.

One day soon
perhaps before the next full moon
They will take over
like a group of scottish rovers
Our phones won't work
the ATM will seem to smirk
No money in our account it will say
and you will be filled with dismay
for a deposit was made just yesterday
your car won't start
nor the slurpee machine at the minimart
and we think we are so smart
Everything is easier now
even milking a cow
Technology has rendered us incapable
to accept the inescapable
that perhaps life was simpler once
when we sat kids in the corner with a cap that said dunce
No phones, no motorcars not a single luxury
maybe that is the way it should be.

Chavdar

I went to sleep and heard not a peep

While I slept, my little dog crept

Into the Dining Room, which I have dubbed Mt. Doom

For all over the place, in a very small space

Was torn up newspapaers and alll the trash that had been stashed

In the bag by the door, now was all over the floor

Piles here and there, I could do nothing but stare

How could such a liile dog make such a mess

He needs obedience school, for I have been a fool

I thought he would learn if I was a little stern

But he knows how things really flow

Master of the house is he oh woes to me.

June 11, 2005 Cubs v. Red Sox

On the train on Saturday
It seemed as if Boston had come to stay

Everywhere i looked all I saw was red
It sort of filled me with dread

Was there a baseball game that day you asked
Of course there is your friends razzed

A historic game in fact
Everywhere decorm lacked

Loud fans with weird accents
were making thier decents

On the Windy City and Wrigley Field
Would the Cubs yeild

They almost made a sweep
It was enough to make a fan weep

Thank God it is over now for the trains are ours again
And everyone is back to being sane.

Salem Witches

On this day in History the first Salem witch was hanged. A group of ultra conservative Puritan men twisted the deeds and words of a growing liberal populaton into the work of the devil, thus causing fear and hate to rise and the Salem Witches trials were the result. Hopefully we have learned that crazy right wing ultra conservatives can twist simple every day things into wierd scary events. Oh wait, we learned nothing from History now did we.

A Poem of Salem

In Salem there is a sign
that some may think is fine

But a statue above it
Just doesn't cut it

For it is Samantha from Bewitched
Isn't that rich

A place where innocent people were killed
Is now being billed

As a toursit attraction for the masses
I hope that none of this passes

Into history.