Mitzie Vanderhooten

I will be performing on May 27th as part of the Don't Spit the Water show. The link is listed in my Audition post. I will be doing about a 5 to 10 minute stand up routine using my love poems to dictators. I am very excited.

Why I Live Where I Live

In 2000 I returned to America after two years in the Peace Corps. I left a city I loved to return to a city I grew to hate. I moved back to Detroit because my family was there. Detroit has a lot to offer but it never felt like home to me and then slowly my family started leaving and I no longer had a reason to stay so I found a job in Chicago and packed up and left that dismal place to come to a city I knew little about. From the moment I entered this city on the lake I knew I was home. I felt comfortable and happy. And these feelings have not diminished one iota. As summer approaches and everything that is great about this city comes back to live after the long winter I feel renewed and delighted that I have found a place to call home.

Take me out to the Ball Park

I went to my first Cubs game last night at Wrigley Field. It was amazing. Not only are the Cubs playing well and won the game but I was sitting in the second oldest ball park in the country it was very cool. If you take a gander at the picture I was sitting on the lower deck on the right hand side. We had great seats.

Why I love Chicago

Because I can walk around looking like this and no one blinks. I went with friends on Saturday to celebrate one of their birthdays and we wore colored wigs. It was a great deal of fun. We had tapas and sangria, went for margaritias and then ended up at a karoke place. Every where we went everyone said they loved our hair.

The Windy City

Today I do live in the Windy City. It was so windy on the way to work that I was nearly blown away. It made me laugh. I felt like I was one of those people in images you see of the wind blowing so hard they are being pushed back and thier umbrella is totally the wrong way and inside out. It was down right crazy.

My Audition

So I auditioned on Saturday. It went pretty well and everyone laughed at my character, Mitzie Vanderhooten, a upper crust woman married to an Oil Tycoon, who just happens to write love poems to dictators.

I was nervous but felt good about my performance and it all paid off. They have invited me to perform once or twice in the May/June schedule. Yippie.

Here is the link for the show:

http://www.dontspitthewater.com/

Heather's Headshot

This is my headshot. I never thought I would say that. Why would I need a ever need a headshot. I need one because I am auditioning on March 18th for a guest spot in a sketch comedy show that runs every Saturday at a theater here in Chicago. It is called "Don't Spit the Water" and is a game show where comedians try to make contestants from the audience to laugh and spit out the water in their mouth. It is very funny. I am auditioning for an intermission type comedian. I have a character that reads her love poems to dictators. Even if I do not get on the show it will be fun to at least auditioning.

Maude Valentine

I have been reading my Grandma Clark's journals recently. She wrote them from 1977 to 1989. She passed away in 1989 and the last entry is a few weeks before her death. They have been a wonderfully blessing. I was only 19 when my grandmother died and I had adored her. She was the best Grandmother a person could have. She did in fact help to shape the person I became. In those journals one of the things she mentioned was an idea for a story she was going to write. Well I had never heard of the story so I know it was not published. So I decided to go home and look through a file cabinat that my parents still have. I brought home a bag of stuff of hers that looked like it could have some wiritings in it. One of the things was called Maude Valentine. This is in fact the story idea she had. It has five chapters and over a 100 pages. I strated reading it last night. I am going to go through it and see if I could update it and finish it. I would love to be able to do that for my Grandmother.

I also found some great family history stuff about her family. They owned a hotel here in Chicago. I am going to do some research on this.

The Communist Manifesto

In 1848 Karl Marx and Frederick Engel's published "The Communist Manifesto". I read this work as well as "Das Kapitas" in college and was very intrigued by this political philosophy. The idea that everyone is equal and is treated equally and works according to the means and is provided according to their needs. In theory it is great. We could all have enough food etc. In practice it never works. Humans are by nature selfish and thus incapable of truly be altruistic. Unfortunates to many Americans the word communist represts the People who take Marx's writings and tried to create these societies and failed. The Soviet Union, China and Cuba are not Marxist states, that are bastardization of his theories. I find that even toady with all of our knowledge many people still do not clearly see this and we still use communist as a dirty word. I have in the past been called a communist and not in a nice way. I usually laugh this off, but I am getting tired of that, because in fact I do often see myself leaning toward what Marx meant. That we all need to be treated fairly. That we should all have enough food and enough clothes and the same educations. Those things are just not for the better off in our societies. The American dream is not real. It does not often matter how hard you work, not everyone can pull themselves up by their boot straps and it is ridiculous for us to continue to believe this. We should be helping everyone become better not only ourselves. Poverty is not a crime, not wanting to work more then forty hours a week is not a crime, taking vacations is not a crime, wanting a decent education is not a crime, needing help from others is not a crime. We all have the right to live a happy life.

The Darwin Awards

Every year the Darwin Awards are listed. The arwards go to the most ridiculous stupid thing a person has done in the previous year. Here is this year's list. It makes my heart warm to know that there are so many stupid people in the world.


Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:


1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.


8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

Fact and Fiction

When I first decided to leave Michigan the biggest factor in the move was wishing to be in a larger city with public transportation. I originally thought "well of course New York", but as I started applying for jobs I realized that maybe New York was not the perfect place as more and more of the jobs I was applying for were in Chicago. When I was actually offered a job in Chicago I thought "well this must be fate". And I truly believe this is the city I was meant to live in. I love everything about it even the wind. I thing I had not really thought that much about was the political leanings of the state to which I was moving. I have lived most of my life in the Midwest and have always been surrounded by people who are completely opposite from me in politics, so it has never been that big of deal. I have just accepted that because I am left of Ghandi in my thinking that I would be left of almost everyone else where ever I lived. So it was with great joy that I realized as I packed my belongings that I was moving to a state that had just elected Barrack Obama to the Senate. He is a fine man and I think he will do great things, but in the last few days I have been really disturbed by what the Republicans with the help of John McCain are trying to do to him. McCain has accused him of bowing to his own parties pressures regarding the lobbyist reform by refusing to back McCain's plan. Obama has responding by explaining he had made no promises. Why must people air their anger about another so publicly, if McCain really was angry and upset with Obama he should have gone to him privately to work out their issues instead of releasing that letter to the world. McCain wanted to make a spectacle so that if and when Obama runs for a higher office they can claim they have proof he is unwilling to work with bipartisan groups. People need to grow up and act like adults. I am tired.

Baba Yaga

I was recently talking to a couple of co-workers about witches and scary figures in folktales and I had completely forgotten about Baba Yaga, so I excitedly retold what I knew about her from Bulgaria and that she was kind of like their boogy man or gypsy story for parents to tell their children when they misbehaved. I went on line and found an image from a Bulgarian festival of a dancer with a Baba Yaga mask. It has become a favorite picture around my office because it is scary. Below is a general description of Baba Yaga.




Baba Yaga
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

Baba Yaga in Slavic mythology is the wild woman, the dark lady and mistress of magic. She is also seen as a forest spirit, leading hosts of spirits. The word baba in most Slavic languages means an older or married woman of lower social class.

Baba Yaga is portrayed as a witch who flies through the air in a mortar using the pestle as a rudder sweeping away the tracks behind her with a broom made out of silver birch. She lives in a log cabin that revolves around by means of a pair of chicken legs that dance. Her fence outside is made with human bones with skulls on top. The keyhole to her front door is a mouth filled with sharp teeth. In another legend the house does not reveal the door until it is told a magical phrase: turn your back to the forest, your front to me.

She aids those who are pure of heart and eats the souls of those that visit her unprepared and unclean of spirit. She is said to be the Guardian Spirit of the fountain of the water of life.

According to some versions of the myths, Baba Yaga ages a year every time someone asks her a question. This is why she is often portrayed as a cranky old hag - she is frustrated and angry about having been asked so many questions. The only way for her to de-age herself is by drinking a special tea she brews from blue roses. Heroes who bring her a gift of blue roses are often granted wishes as reward for their aid.

In one folk tale a young girl, Vasilisa, is sent to visit Baba Yaga on an errand and is enslaved by her, but the hag's servants a cat, a dog, a gate and a tree help Vasilisa to escape because she has been kind to them. Finally, Baba Yaga is turned into a crow. In another version of the same story recorded by Aleksandr Nikolajevitj Afanasjev in Narodnye russkie skazki (vol 4, 1862) Vasilisa is given three impossible tasks that she solves using a magic doll her mother gave to her.

Red Tailed Hawk

The red tailed hawk circled and swooped
making loop after loop
a sight to see, If only I could be
as free and fine, if just for a short time.

The Fairy Queen

I was recently rereading some of my poems and I realized I had not put up any poems recently and this is called Poetry from Heather so here goes:

The fairy queen could be seen
floating over the sea
oh, could it really be
that she loved the sun
who was on the run
slowly dipping and slipping
past the waves and white caps
to take his daily nap
far below on the ocean floor
oh, what was in store
for this lovely pair
to happy to ever think of despair
only time will tell if this love spell
will last the test of time and linger
beyond thier eternal rest.

Tagged

What were three things when you were little you wanted to be when you grew up?

A Lawyer
The President
A torch song singer

You can live one day over again from your childhood. What day will it be?

Riding in the car with my Grandparents to their house as my Grandmother tells us the story of the Shoemaker and the Elves and my grandfather makes sarcastic comments about the story.

You have two minutes (and a mover with you if you need heavy lifting help!) to grab 5 things from your home before it morphs into a polka dotted hobgblin and hops away. What will you take? (Food/drink/family/friends excluded!)

My photo alblums
My Brown County Paintings
My grandfathers old wool lap blanket
My grandmothers books and journals
My banjo and violin

You have to paint one quote on your kitchen wall. Whats it going to be?

"Truths are first clouds; then rain, then harvest and food"
- Henry Ward Beecher

What is one thing you want to have accomplished by the end of this year?

Learning to play the banjo

You are moving to the moon for one year and can only bring one flower with you. What kind will you bring?

Yellow marigolds

You just received word that aside from one flower, you can also bring five books with you too! Your choices?

Persuasion, Jane Austin
Welcome to the Monkey House, Kurt Vonnegut
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, JRR Tolkien
The People's History of the World, Zimmerman
Where the Sidewalk Ends, Shel Silverstien

Our Economy Sucks!

So today on the news I heard that 24500 people from the Chicago area applied for the 325 jobs at the new Wal-mart opening on the Southside of the city. It is sad that so many people are obviously so desperate for work that they would seek out a job with a company that has very few full time employees so they do not have to pay health insurance, that shows anti-union videos to all of their employees and continues to undersell mom pop shops thus driving them out of bushiness and insuring that we only buy things made in China.

I love Chris Farley

Hosted at MySpaceNow.com

Heather in South Park

So thanks to Jason for the South Park character thing. Everyone in my office has made a character of themselves. Here is me. Way cooler then I really am.

"And to top it all off my parole officer is being a prick!"

So yesterday on the train I stood next to this guy on the phone who was talking so loudly that everyone could hear his entire converstation. He was going on about how Depaul University was screwing him around and he need this one class to graduate and there were only two spots left and he had spent all day running from office to office to get into the class. And it was worse because he had taken that year off for "vacation" as he called it and he just wanted to graduate. Than he says "And to top it all off my parole officer is being a prick!" So I look around the train to see if anyone else had heard this and thought it was weird and everyone wa looking down except this one guy and when I look and him and he looks at me and we both burst out laughing. The guy than proceeds to call said parole officer to expalin why he did not check in that morning.

People really need to stop having conversations on cell phones that they should really only have in private.

The 56th floor of the Chase building

We had a cocktail party for work on the 56th floor of the Chase Building downtown. The view was a amazing. I love this city.